In Your Presence

Today,

I walked into your house

for the first time since

you went away…

I looked for you,

but you weren’t in

the usual places – on the porch, in the den,

or in the kitchen.

I thought maybe you were upstairs

napping, or out

running an errand…

I looked at your flowers – the roses, and peonies,

the poppies and irises – in bloom in the garden.

I stood at your kitchen sink

washing the plates – the dish cloth and dish soap

in their usual places.

We all sat out on the porch after lunch, watching

all three boys, brothers and cousins

running and rolling

down the hill and all over the

backyard, just like we used to do

as kids.

I flipped through

your old Better Homes & Garden magazines,

ideas I ripped out, wishing I could

share them with you.

I went upstairs, the steps

creaking in the familiar spots,

I looked in your room,

I walked over to your dresser,

Maman helped me look in a draw,

through some of your things,

I remember seeing these pinned to you dress,

And these hanging from your earlobes.

This one wrapped around your wrist.

I picked a poinsetta brooch and a daisy one.

I found your Disney daisy Mickey watch

that I gave you when I used to work there…

Your absence was acute, your presence was lingering,

your spirit was intoxicating.

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About Alexandra

wife, lover, mother, sister, daughter, friend, teacher, blogger, scrap-booker, cross-stitcher, photographer, designer, multi-lingual speaker, dual-citizenship holder, world traveler, dreamer... hopeful, happy, blessed
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4 Responses to In Your Presence

  1. gail caccavaro says:

    alexandra,
    you write exactly how i felt the 1st time i went into your grandmother house after she died. i looked for her first on the couch lying on the black & white striped pillow i made for her. i felt her presence everywhere and kept expecting her to come down the stairs and tell me she’d been napping and now felt rested and we could have a nice visit!

  2. Catherine says:

    This put a lump in my throat. Just beautiful, Alexandra! I know exactly how you felt. Her spirit was with you. Love you!

  3. Hi, I was really touched by your recent post. I want to let you know I have subscribed to your blog site. Look forward to reading your work….

    xoxo, Maggie 🙂

  4. Diane says:

    What a gift to have her things to bring her close to you. My dad found it too painful to have Mom’s things around so he donated them to others who needed them shortly after she passed. How I long to have her old recipes, the simple pearls that she loved so much. The sound of her voice on the answering machine. I do have a set of rosary beads that I treasure, but I so wish I had what you have experienced with your grandmother. How wonderful to be able to share your foray into her personal haven. I so felt as if I too were by your side sharing and feeling her presence. Thank you for sharing this. It really meant a great deal to me. Love you Alexandra!!!

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